Panama Car Rental and Annoying People


Panama Car Rental and Annoying People

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Written by Matt Landau

Friday, August 11 2006

I like to pay for things—especially expensive things—with cash, as it sends a message to the cashier that I am wealthy. Perhaps even that I am a prince of a small country. When I am buying large ticket items, such as pianos or vintage grandfather clocks or whatever, if there is any chance to go to the ATM before hand, I do. I like the feeling of bills in my pocket: it makes me feel strong.

I was preparing for a road trip to Santa Catalina (a tiny dash in the Azuero Peninsula that nearly straddles the equator) and was in need of transportation, being that the tired wheels on my rollerblades had recently come loose. This preparation, as I often like to do, took place over a meal that I had prepared for myself. A smorgasbord of my favorite foods: Triscuts (woven snacks you can eat), lobster hotdogs, and of course pizza because a weekend without pizza is lame. After the feast, I wandered into the neighborhood of El Cangrejo where several Panama car rental agencies do their thing.

Within just a one-block radius, I could see three major agencies and, being a sucker for catchy advertising, I walked into the one with the nicest sign: Thrifty. There was a line of people about six deep, so I stood my place and just chewed on a few mysteries that had been bugging me of late, mainly, what would happen if I shot a gun in outer space. I was also kept busy with a bag of pork rinds which I had just purchased around the corner. They were fresh and almost supernaturally crisp.

I finally got up to the counter and was greeted semi-unkindly by a thin Indian man, who if he wasn't wearing a tie, I would have described as a thin Indian woman. He had a pin on his jacket that said “Hi, My Name is...” then a label reading “Bahn Xio”.

I pointed to the pin, “Is your name pronounced like the instrument?”
“Actually yes.” He seemed pretty impressed with my phonetics. “What can I do for you today?”
“Well Ban-jo,” I said, putting an extra-proud stress on his name. “I need an SUV.”

He tapped around his keyboard a bit making small faces and frowns and little grunts—the way you might humor someone when they ask you for something you know you don't have. (“Sorry man, I don't have any spare change”).

“We are fresh out. No SUVs in this office!”

I cringed like a skunk in a headlock. This was the worst news I could have anticipated. I requested that he check again. And again. Ban-jo offered me something smaller, something puny. An Economy vehicle. The fact that he would offer me the downgrade was not what bothered me though. It was the way in which he said it, with this annoying little squirrel voice and this all-too-pleasant look on his face. It was at this point that I was reminded of a quote I thought up a few days back: He who smiles in the face of adversity, probably farted.

I could have taken that as an answer but I decided to be difficult. “What do you mean you don't have any SUVs? What kind of car rental agency is this? Let me guess, you don't have any vans either? Or electric hybrids?” I don't know why I said the hybrid's part, as it sounded kind of sci-fi, even nerdy.

“I'm sorry. Would you like to take the Economy car or shall I help the next customer?”

Economy just sounded so inadequate and there was no way that little thing would ever get me Santa Catalina. I had been planning this trip for hours! Here I am chasing down a dream, but I can't catch it because I've got a sprained ankle.

“Would you like my opinion?” asked Ban-jo.
I snapped back, “No thank you Ban-jo. I wouldn't trust you any further than I could throw you.” I pulled out my wallet and paid for the Economy car in full. With cash. All $159 of it.

Rates at these sort of places can vary from $39/day for the small cars, like the one I got, to upwards of $90/day for the largest gas-guzzling monsters you can imagine. There are lots of Panama car rental agencies that you would know like Hertz, Avis, National, and Thrifty at Tocumen Airport as well as peppered around Panama City in certain neighborhoods (El Cangrejo being a major one). Depending on the time of year, getting the car you want can be tricky, so if you have time before your trip, just jump online and reserve yourself a vehicle. Also, this way you will not have to fight with anyone. If you are flying in from another location in Central America into Albrook (domestic airport), there is a National Car Rental across te street from the terminal.

Getting from the airport into Panama City is relatively easy. Getting from the airport to somewhere else like Chiriqui or Cocle can be a bit trickier so be sure to get good directions. I would recommend you purchase insurance but it is not required. The roads you will be using will most likely be very good especially compared to our northern neighbor; the ones who claim to have this tourism thing down pat, yet still can't fix a pothole. Ban-jo did not represent his fellow Panama car rental colleagues well: almost all of them always have a variety of cars to choose from and usually the salespeople aren't smartasses.

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