Panama Real Estate, information about Panama Travel and Panama Vacation Investment opportunities

To me, golf is less the sport of kings and more the art of ruining a perfectly nice walk outside. This pastime though—of putting that white dimpled chestnut into a far off hole—has charmed and tormented players since its invention in the fourteen hundreds, when equipment was made from nothing more than wood and leaves and even human bone.

The last time I played golf in Panama was one for the record books: not because I played well, but rather because I managed to lose a lifetime-best 22 golf balls. It was a soupy day at the course and I had to check in and get my clubs and shoes (a requirement and rentable alternative at most Panama courses). At the counter, I did a double take as the young boy gathering tees from the floor looked just like little Elian Gonzalez. I pictured federal agents swinging through the clubhouse windows any minute now, on those silly rope swings that they are known to use.

After checking in at the clubhouse I was told my playing partner was waiting outside. One step out the door, I heard this silly voice gurgling into a cell phone, the way people do when the plane has just landed: pointless jabber and information-less babble that is an attempt to impress the unfortunate audience within earshot.

He was saying something like, “Uh, yeah. Um, what was I going to tell you?”

From the second I saw him, I could tell that the guy was a punk: this stocky little pudgeball who, if he was a vegetable, would have definitely been of eggplant kin. He wore a puke-red visor over his silvery strands of hair that reminded me of the silk on the inside of a corn husk. Looking down, he wore this nauseatingly-green polo: the kind of shirt that is considered illegal in some states. Maybe though, the kind of shirt that golfers wear to distract their opponents. At first it was difficult to get his attention because he was in the zone, noshing on some sort of fried snack.

Now, for me, seeing overly fat people is one thing. I can handle that. But seeing overly fat people—I mean obese animals—inhaling fried dough as if it was the last supper is another. Subconsciously, I get this look on my face, this surprised look, as if to say it would probably be better for both of us if you didn't do that. But there he was, my little eggplant man, standing propped up against his golf cart, devouring this greasy treat as if sipping from the cup of rapture.

“Are you my golfer?” he asked, as I watched him push a last glob of mush into his pie hole.

Noticing my interest in his snack, Memo (as I would soon come to know him by) offered me a hunk of this heavy, breaded thing. The second it hit my lips I regretted waking up that morning. It tasted, as best I can describe, like a cereal-coated monkfish nugget. It was mushy and rubbery and terrible. Memo and I had gotten off to a bad start but it would be no comparison to our level of play.

To me, golf is unique because it is one of the few sports that permit drunk driving. We dribbled through the course, sipping on cold beers and trading meat smoking tips. Turns out Memo is a butcher. At one point, I made a facial expression that apparently reminded Memo of his brother:

I smiled, because in my experience, things like that are meant as endearing comments.

I've listed the three golf courses that I like, below. Panama is NOT a golf haven and I would not recommend you come down solely to hit the links, like you might Myrtle Beach or Palm Springs. However, it can offer the following decent courses to play in the morning while everyone's still asleep or if you choose, in the blistering hot midday sun. Since development in Panama is so wild, and more beach areas will soon become gentrified, new courses will be popping up and this article will soon be out of date.

Fax: 507.232.4472

Website: summitgolfpanama.com

Tucan Country Club and Resort: This one is good because it has so many things to do, other than golf: see tennis courts, fitness facilities, spa and dining. It's nice because it's just outside Panama City on the Pacific Coast—about 20 minutes from downtown. The ocean isn't all that great because of the nearby Canal, but if you are one of those guys who likes to try to enter the water hazard to save a stroke, go for it. But if you end up growing small arms on your legs, don't say I didn't warn you. It's not yet open to the public, but I think it will be in the near future. Looks to be a decent course.

Telephone: 507.211.3472

Fax: 507.211.1308

Website: tucancountryclub.com

Courses outside the city:

Costa Blanca Golf and Villas: This place isn't all that nice. I mean, if you have to play golf when you are out at the beach, its fine. I just wouldn't fly into Panama with your buddies to head directly there for a golf vacation. There is a fair amount of crabgrass (is that the right word for brown mealy vegetation?) but otherwise, the greens are well-kept. It's right next to the Decameron—also known as Consumption Kingdom—and if you happen to be out there, give this course a shot. They've got 19 holes and an additional small par-3 course that can be lit up at nighttime. Cool part is, you're really close to an exceptional beach and it's only 1.5 hours outside the city.

Telephone: 507.214.2016

Fax: 507.214.2019

Website: costablanca.com.pa

Comments (0)

Write comment

Name

Email

Title

Comment

Write the displayed characters

Add Comment