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The Lonely Planet Guide to Sex: Panama Men

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Written by Administrator

Thursday, May 18 2006

I'll probably get in trouble for saying this, but the sex of the Panamanian man is an endangered species. Do not get me wrong, by any means. There are lots of straight, Panamanian-born males lurking around the streets of my beloved city; however, not many of them meet the standards of what I would call a man... or at least a gentleman.

This I found out the hard way while waiting for my luggage at the Tocumen airport last Sunday.

It happened that my first suitcase came by without much waiting—which is very uncharacteristic—and I placed it on one of the luggage carts available at the customs area. Then the second bag came. This time around I encountered a little bit more trouble trying to set this bag on top of the first one.

Being 4' 11” and about 100 lbs. this is not an easy task, but I've managed just fine so far. However, that night I almost had my spleen burst trying to get that 50 lb. suitcase on the cart without it sliding away. I grunted, slipped, and stumbled for a while as four perfectly healthy young Panamanian men stood centimeters away from me. (Probably it would have helped if were wearing something other than my Napoleon Dynamite men's pijama pants). I bet that a few more attempts I might had managed to pile up my luggage; however, an airport worker took pity on me, ran all the way across the room, and helped me, therefore, redeeming those of his kind.

Before anyone thinks I'm bashing my countrymen because a few of them suffer from a serious lack of chivalrousness, I must say that they are in fact perfectly respectable dating material.

Though the Panama male sex thinks he's the king of world, the leader of the pack, the last Coke in the desert, and sometimes will behave as Fred Flintstone's less evolved brother, they do have the natural ability to sweet-talk a woman and sweep her off her feet. The Panamanian male is, in most cases, caring, protective, and true to his lady. Truth be told he won't notice you during a Barça-Arsenal Champions League final match, but he will know how to make it up.

Having dated a few gringos during my college stint, I'm qualified to say Panamanian men are more straightforward than their American counterparts. They are confident, unabashed, passionate. They know what they want and go for it. No beating around the bushes. No bull. Meanwhile, American men have the nasty little habit of keeping you guessing. You can never tell for sure if they're interested or if they're just being nice.

Also, the average Panamanian man can dance. And I don't mean airhumping. Panamanian men (please, notice the change of terminology) have rhythm and coordination. Just being able to salsa all night long makes them desirable. After all, dancing is an art of seduction... no wonder it is banned from my college.

More importantly, the average Panamanian male does not need Paxil in order to be mentally stable enough to pretend to be normal, unlike certain individuals I've dated while in college.

I do not consider myself a connoisseur on male anything, but I've dated enough losers and lost enough keepers to tell the differences and say I'm grateful to say that with Panamanian men what you see is really what you get.

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