A Guide to Bribery and Other Illegal Things


A Guide to Bribery and Other Illegal Things

(2 votes)

Written by Matt Landau

Saturday, November 04 2006

What if on all the Panama tourism flyers and handouts, after it asks Why Come To Panama, it said in big bold letters, “because we have a corruption rating worse than that of Burkina Faso, Saudi Arabia, Algeria, and Ghana.” I personally think that would be a hilarious motto but I'm not sure how many shot glasses or monogrammed beer coozies it'd sell.

According to The World Fact Book, Panama—through its active border with Columbia—is one of the foremost cocaine transshipment points in the Western hemisphere. Money-laundering (a popular pastime here) is considered to be especially explosive in the Colon Free Zone—an area also deemed a primary center for narcotics revenue. I've run into handfuls of the guys who “just lost all their belongings”; perfectly normal looking guys, pleading you lend them a few hundred bones. Or the ones selling special magic beans that can cure any disease, from diarrhea to cancer, I swear. The world's scammers, crooks and conmen are flocking to Panama like fat Atkins dieters to a roast beef buffet, and we all know who they are, but that doesn't bother me much. In reality, nor does the baby-faced corruption of street cops.

Though I have not really been exposed to the kind of Latin American corruption that has its own featured bit on Larry King Live or Geraldo Rivera, I have experienced (first-hand) the magnetic and widespread practice of small-scale bribery—something that every Panamanian is aware of. When I first arrived here, I thought bribery was awesome. It was this dark, dangerous, enigmatic beast and I wanted to ride on its back.

Yesterday: I'm with a friend driving on Avenida Balboa, on our way to pick up a time-lapsed cicada molt captured on DVD, when a policeman wearing a road crew orange vest and an olive green suit stepped out into the middle of the road and pointed at us the way Uncle Sam might in the heart of recruiting season. I took a deep sigh as we pulled over to the side of the road, my morning high dying like a set of rechargeable batteries. We fished through the paper jungle in the glove compartment for my friend's license and registration, neither of which we could find by the time the Officer Fuzz Force came to the window and asked why we were speeding.

(((This is how it usually works: a cop will pull you over for one offense or another, or sometimes just because he wants to--note that many of them do not use speed radars. He'll come to your window and ask for your license. Usually, he'll start writing you a ticket which is your cue to start apologizing profusely. Sometimes, if you don't get the hint, he'll ask you if you want to fix the situation right there. A friend of mine likes to ask how many kids the officer has, then offer to contribute to each of their schooling. Another friend I have is just straight up, demanding that the cop take the $5--that's the going rate nowadays for a traffic violation--and leave her alone. If you're uneasy about the whole process, just keep a five-note behind your license when you give it to him. He'll catch on.)))

To make a long and round-about story short and to the point, my friend gave him a five dollar bill and he gave my friend a high five. This is not uncommon in Panama and while most people (like me) do it all the time, some have serious issues with nourishing this corruption adolescence. In reality though, corruption has long characterized Panama and people trying to dissuade me from doing small things like this will be about as successful as that anxious group of midget Germans who spent a few hours poking at the Berlin Wall with toothpicks. “I think we're making some progress” they'd say.

If you are like me, you were raised in the states by older people who, like border guards, tried to keep you from crossing lines. In school I would stare out the window dreaming of a day when I could carry a sword to work or pay a guard to let me through a drawbridge to rescue some sort of maiden. “Hi ho silver” I'd then shout, running out of the classroom like a possessed piece of steak. While there's only one drawbridge in Panama that I know of to date, the flower of corruption in this country is nearing its bloom and the chance to bribe officials is getting smaller by the second. This is my chance to live out numerous childhood fantasies, knowing that I—like John Gotti or OJ Simpson—can pay off someone in a position of power. The government has made significant efforts to curb political corruption and depending on who you ask, they have made decent progress. Elsewhere in the world, presidents are left arguing about enriching their nuclear programs like little kids trading baseball cards.

As for the small bribes though...come on, they're just so fun. Who doesn't like going home and telling your friends that you paid off a cop? It's like you're living in a video game or a Monopoly board—an experience you can't get in the states without a harsh set of handcuffs wrapping around your wrists like a defect slap bracelet. Before I arrived in Central America years ago, I was giving bribes to people of power only in my dreams. But now I do it all the time: what do you say government of Panama? $5 for speeding? $50 for serious crimes? $200 when you pass go?

Sources:
1. transparency.org
2. cia.gov

Comments (2)

mulan: drivers license

Is it true that Panamanian citizens can purchase a driver's license in Panama?

May 29, 2007

chris: ...

i own a bar and grill in panama ,my competition bribed the government to shut me down .I have lots of prrof against them and in any other country they would all be in prison ,but in panama .I`m still closed and broke.Don`t invest a penn in this country and its getting to be to dangerous to visit as well.After i file for banruptcy I`ll never return.

May 27, 2008

Write comment