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Panama's Colorful Wardrobe

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Written by Matt   
Tuesday, 23 October 2007 01:00
It has long been a symbol of independence and rebellion in the US to have tattoed a Chinese symbol on ones body. People rarely know what their symbols actually mean, case but perhaps that's part of the inherent mutiny of it all.
In Panama there exists a similar phenomenon.

Walking down a busy pedestrian thoroughfare recently in El Cangrejo, I came to pass a woman larger than life. She was a probably in her twenties and weighed somewhere around the load of a small pickup truck; the rolls of her obesity so plain and plump that I tended to question whether or not she was actually wearing one of those fat suits, you know, crafted for Hollywood movies and Halloween parties. She sported a very light beard and wobbled rather than walked.

Her size though wasn't what stuck in my memory as much as the shirt she was wearing. It was a tight pink number, stretched over her wide shoulders and voluptuous breasts like a broad rubber band. The shirt barely reached down to her pants exposing the sort of gut that could have passed as a large, skin-colored fanny pack.

"I'm a Sexy Bitch" her shirt read in large block letters.

Excuse me? I thought to myself. You're a sexy what?

While I don't consider myself to be any kind of fashionista, I do think I'm capable of identifying a sexy bitch when I see one, and she was definitely not part of the club. I stood there for a moment admiring what was clearly a horrible case of miscommunication. I envisioned her at the store with her sister debating which shirt to pick out. "That one" she'd say, pointing at the pink tank top on a rack. "I want that one."

Had I been on the scene, I would have surely dissuaded her. Don't get it. Trust me, you don't want that shirt. I might have directed her more towards a larger, baggier shirt that read something like FAT PEOPLE ARE HARDER TO KIDNAP or A WAIST IS A TERRIBLE THING TO MIND.

I doubt she had any idea what the slogan meant but to me, in the world of these sorts of misfortunes, ignorance is pretty much bliss. You'll see them all over Panama, most commonly in middle class neighborhoods where people proudly don their sayings with the obliviousness of a blind person wandering accidentally on stage during a lecture. Similarly common is the out-of-date sports clothing probably shipped down to the Republic in a large crate labeled Stuff no one in the USA will ever want again.

Ironically, many of these recycled pop items such as Lenny Dykstra jerseys from the 80's and Gatorade hats and defect Nike golf towels were seized directly from the years of my youth: a time when punching other children had no consequences and candy was the most important thing in the world. So it is of no great surprise that when I see such articles in Panama, it brings about this wistfulness of childhood that I very much enjoy.

The sexy bitch though. She's someone I'd just as soon forget.

Have you ever seen someone in Panama (or another foreign country) wearing a silly shirt like this? Use the comment area below to share your story...
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Fat people are harder to kidnap
written by JeffB , October 23, 2007
What a great line! Well done, Matt
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...
written by jimmy , October 24, 2007
U R a funny funny guy!
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Freaky Looking Tourists
written by Dino , November 06, 2007
How many times have you seen the American "Rasta Dude" tourist in Latin America, the Dudes with the Ratted out hair down to there *ss and dressed like they came from a homeless shelter?
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haha
written by Mateo , November 06, 2007
I love those guys Dino! My favorite is when they're approached by a Panama beggar, and neither really knows that the other one is about to ask for money! So classic.

"So, do you have a quarter to spare?"
"Uh, no, I was about to ask you that."

Panamanians probably had no idea we could produce that kind of breed...now they've got competition
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Shana
written by Emily , November 07, 2007
I thought my I'm a sexy bitch pink t-shirt was classy.
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Panama's Colorful Wardrobe
written by Barbara Dove , June 23, 2009
We had to go to a farmacia in Las Tablas to purchase something. Standing behind the counter, was a clerk in his mid 50's, I would say, wearing a pink T-shirt, clueless as to what the shirt was adverting.........a big picture of a curved pad with the following words....... wing-tip, ultra-thin, comfort maxi-pads.
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Last Updated on Monday, 11 August 2008 23:07
 
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