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- Los Cuatro Tulipanes is Matt's apartment rentals in the historic district of Casco Viejo
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- Habla Ya Spanish Schools are Matt's top choices for Spanish immersion vacations in Central America
- United Country – Panama is Matt’s go-to site to find premier properties all over Panama
Facts about Panama Women:
- Panama women make up more than half the country's population and it is no wonder why you can see them almost anywhere you go.
- On average, Panama women are very good looking: their skin tone's range from a subdued saddled tan to oyster white, their faces are, for the most part symmetrical, and their average height is 5 foot 4 inches (or 161 centimeters).
- In 2005, 11 of 78 National Assembly seats were held by women. (Notelet: In the same year, nearly half of Panama's population thought that their National Assembly ended when they graduated grade school)
- Panama Women are outnumbered by Panamanian crows 3 to 1. Where do you think the saying â€œfemale crows fly lowâ€ comes from?
- In Panama, most women expect their dates to open doorsâ€”but not just car doors or doors to restaurants. No, they expect you to open any door you happen to pass by when you're with themâ€”and it doesn't matter if someone is trying to go through it. Just open it.
- Plastic surgery is of great quality in these parts, so fake breasts, noses, lips, fingers...etc. are pretty common and most oftentimes appear to be natural.
Getting to them and away:
Panama women are easy to reach by foot, bike, car, or air from anywhere in the continent. They are generally very accessible and enjoy meeting men from other countries, especially if he can spit some game en espaï¿½ol. Compared to their female legions in the USA, I have found Panamaï¿½as to be more aggressive and to take more initiative in introducing themselves. It is not uncommon to be approached by a Panamaï¿½a in a bar or a club, however no matter what those popular body spray commercials say, neither immediate mounting nor animalistic humping ever ensue. Many men find this a pleasant and relieving surprise coming from the states, where the official female flirt mentality is similar to taking out the trashâ€”Not it!
Male ex-pats enjoy the luxury that (for the most part) Panama women tend to be infatuated with them. You may be aware, that for the ugly to average-looking male, there is no better feeling than to have an above-average female show interest. (No feeling outside of sports and first person shooters that is.) Getting to women in Panama is easy, sometimes too easy. Sometimes it's so easy, that you forget about the respect, confidence, and bodily function responsibilities normally associated with being a good date. If you wear a nice sweater vest and sport some fast-looking sneakers, you should have no problem meeting some chicas.
OK, so getting to Panamanian women is easy, but getting away from them can be another story. Sometimes, Panamaï¿½as can be very clingy and leech-like. This does not mean that they are all this wayâ€”but do have an easy escape route and alter identity ready should the situation present itself. As in many of life's traffic jams, honesty (and fake license) can remedy almost any challenge. If you are having trouble separating yourself from your Panamanian amiga, just be honest with her, â€œJessica, honey. I can't go to a restaurant with you fastened to my calf.â€
Things to do and see with them:
Panama has many romantic spots and paradisiacal getaways. You don't even need to be a Casanova like me to get to them. It's widely known that Latin ladies like animals because they think they're adorable â€”a good fit for this fascination being the zoo. I don't know if there are actually any zoos in Panama but there are plenty of places to see cute creatures. The park and pool being two reliable ones.
8 things that no self-respecting man over 25 should try to do or see when they are courting a Panamanian woman (or any woman for that matter):
1. Invite her to go watch the crows feed on scraps at KFC
2. Slide tackle her
3. Give her a wet willy
4. Give her a flat tire
5. Trip her
6. Punch her for passing gas, and then announce it for all to hear
7. Give her a dead leg
8. Give her a dead arm
Places to stay with them:
Panamanian women, much like Panamanian men, enjoy sleeping under some sort of shelter. Some of you might be wondering, what exactly is the definition of shelter. Well, it usually means some sort of roof and wall structure. Tents count. Umbrellas don't. For the one-night-standers out there, Panama has hotels known as â€˜push buttons' or simply â€˜pushes'. These are very private hotel-style institutions which allow customers to drive into a garage, then never been seen until they leave. I don't know how much these â€˜pushes' cost because I've proudly never been, but I'd guess it'd be around $30 for an hour. Yes, they are sold like massage parlors. And speaking of which, massage parlors are ubiquitously suspicious. Again, I'm uninformed by choice.
Places to eat with them:
Panama women enjoy food just as women in other countries do. The nice thing is that you do not have to break your budget trying to show them a good timeâ€”a reasonable meal in Panama should not cost more than a pair or two of ankle socks.
The culinary scene here is so vast, that you can find almost anything. From a $100 lobster dinner atop a giant hotel, to a $2 sandwich from a street vendorâ€”whatever suits your courting style.
Shopping with them:
See â€œChapter 6: Things Men Will Never Care About, Even If Women Are Involvedâ€
Places to find them: I don't quite understand the legality of prostitution in Panama, nor do I particularly care to. However, the topic must be addressed. There are many bars where prostitution is known to be rampant and should you choose to go there, just be very careful. Many prostitutes dream of meeting a nice rich American and eloping into marital bliss with them. For this reason, the fine line between a relationship and a business deal can sometimes be blurred. From stories, I've heard that sometimes ladies will simply ask for some â€˜help' or â€˜cab money' which is a nice way of saying, â€œI'm still sort of on the clock.â€ In Panama, prostitutes work by a totally different mentality than at home. It is important, therefore, to deviate between someone who is working and someone who is just out on the town.
Language to use with them:
I have heard about many pick-up lines used in Panama, some successful and some not. One friend, for example tried asking kindly in Spanish if she would like a drink. The response he got was hilarious, â€œjust one look from your eyes was like a certain type of tortureâ€ she said in broken Englishâ€”not a compliment in the least.
Try to use language that says to the ladies, I am cool, I am hip. When one lovely Panamaï¿½a asks what you did last weekend, say, â€œOh you know, just stayed home and watch 4 or 5 movies with the dogs. I really love those old science fiction moviesâ€â€”which is clearly not the truth, but it sounds really smooth. Sayings like this, as well as using clever names like â€˜lil popsicle' and â€˜tea pot' and â€˜pippy' can get you on their good side.
Women in Panama are fantastic. They are very attractive and nice. I like them. They are nice.
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