| Is Panama Real Estate Still Cheap? |
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| Written by Matt Landau | |
| Tuesday, January 09 2007 | |
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That a country is cheap to live in, to me, is not a good enough reason on its own to visit. On the same grounds by which I find it irrational to buy trail mix solely for the cashews or to convert to Hinduism exclusively for the cool elephant god, the influx of stingy travelers and investors to Panama who come just because the country is inexpensive, to me does not make sense.  I was out on a dock the other day fishing with several locals on the shore of Coronado, under the shadows of the various high-rises that project from its rim. The dock was quiet until one of the fishermen either stepped on a loose floorboard or let out one of the funniest displays of flatulence I have heard this side of the equator. We all laughed and I noted that farting—along with getting hit in the groin—is one of the few things that's universally funny. Laughing too was an American, a man with high socks and a Hawaiian shirt who had snuck up on the pier behind us—the laughing his segue into the following question: “Hey, do any of ya'll know anyone who'll sell me a beachfront house ‘round here? I'll pay ‘em...” He then he paused for a second, as if deciding how much he'd be willing to offer. “I'll give ‘em fifty grand.” We looked at the man in a strange way, the kind of way you might look at someone if they told you they eat bolts. In addition to his inappropriate question, his mustache appeared to have been drawn on with the dying tip of a Sharpie marker. His black hair was slicked back with what appeared to be some sort of beauty tar. “You know? Thousands of dollars. Dinero!” he clarified, this while pulling out a wad of cash and flipping through several twenty dollar bills as if to show us exactly what he meant by fifty grand. I'm not sure which I'm more proud of: the fact that I came across to the man as a local fisherman or that I didn't take the bagel I was eating and chuck it at the fanny pack guarding his family jewels. We get a lot of real estate inquiries on this site which tell the whole story: submitted forms, one after another, asking for beachfront lots, beautiful new homes, or my personal favorite, entire islands. A lot of these people though, aren't willing to spend any more than a Honda. One inquiry was so fanciful and outlandish that I wanted to share it with you: “Dear Matt, The Panama Report site is simply the best and most honest travel and real estate site on the web. I am looking for an oceanfront farm or large acreage with white sand beaches and preferably an old hotel already built so I can refurbish it with Panama labor and materials. It needs to have electricity, paved roads, and be close to civilization (shopping malls, grocery stores).” (The last line, which was in capitals, was something that made me throw up a little bit in my mouth.) “WILL SPEND NO MORE THAN $80K.” If it wasn't for the first part about how great our site was, I would have sent him a link to www.go-diddle-yourself.com but in mercy I left the request at large. This is the kind of guy who, along with a ton of others like him, sip their morning coffee from mugs with the seals of bargain hunters. Many of these misers want to stay in the nicest hotels and use the fastest modes of transportation, however they aren't willing to spend money. With more and more of these people coming in, stiffing the staff for carrying their oversized suitcases and expecting to find themselves a royal investment using the funds of a pauper, I have to ask myself at what point is enough, enough? The isthmus of Panama is far too big to be considered an insane asylum. I understand that most rich people didn't get that way by exorbitantly spending money. I understand that everything tastes better and feels better when you pay only a portion of its true value. And I understand that a lot of these people have saved up all their lives to retire, but to me, they're completely unrealistic about how far their dollars can go. Panama is cheap, but it's not Candyland. Yes it's great to buy $.25 cent beers at the beach but trying to find a 4-bedroom beach house for $10,000? Christ on a cracker, you're goin' overboard. You can imagine how frustrating it is to get hundreds of inquiries from people who want diamonds for dollars. Hundreds of weasely bumpkins who want penthouses for pennies. I can't think of too many more alliterative phrases, but you get the idea. They're extreme bargain hunters, the same kind of people you find secretly denting cans at the grocery store to get the fifty cents off. The same ones that make sure you pack enough meat onto their sandwich. Handling these inquiries over the past few months, I've nearly run my computer into decrepitude trying to put them in touch with someone, anyone I know in real estate who might be able to humor them in this request, thus keeping their dream alive. This is not the same Panama of fifteen years ago. Prices and ideas have appreciated faster than perhaps any country in this region, by far exceeding the speed in Costa Rica. Condo values in Coronado alone have risen like earplug stock at a firing range and it's not long before land, in even the most remote spots of the country, will go up as well. I'm sure that with the New Year will come a whole new wave, a new bevy if you will, of tire-kicking vacationers who, after seeing several ABC News specials detailing the low cost of living in Panama, have booked their tickets in search of their dream investment. That property, whether it's an oceanfront condo or a mountain-perched home, large acreage on which to develop or a hidden rainforest sanctuary on which to retire, is entirely feasible in Panama. Don't get me wrong, Panama is a hotbed for investment, but as Yogi Berra once said, “the future ain't what it used to be”. |
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